Why not come and see us off?

For anyone wanting to come and see us off the picture below shows our planned starting point at Chester Castle car park opposite the race course. We will then head out on the coast road all the way to Hollyhead. We are carefully avoiding any inland waterways through fear that Carpboy will not be able to avoid whipping out his carp rod, any mild hills through fear that Gollobski will not get up them and passing as many garages on the way as possible through fear that Halflife will break down.

And then there was 3....again!

Breaking news, Halflifes bike is burning fuel again. A special thanks to Bill from facebook for the C70 engine that we needed to take parts from and to Lee Hughes for rebuilding the C90 engine again. Cheers guys your life savers.

Let the stupidity begin

S*it bike update

Despite reports to the contrary Halflife is determined to continue with Gollobski and Carpboy on their Irish adventure if for no other reason than he is the only one who can read a map, or read for that matter.
Working under intense pressure and scrutiny from the local cat he stripped the motor out of his bike in less than 45 minutes last night in the pitch black using only his sense of taste and smell to identify what needed un-tightening. The offending item was then rushed in the early hours of this morning to a waiting team of three crack mechanics. They got to work right away under sterile conditions with hammers and chisels and eventually managed to prise the motor apart. All were shocked not to find any of the now tell tale putty that seems to be holding the rest of the bike together inside the engine, we can only assume that the previous owner ran out before he could reap any more damage on the poor cub.
Everything looks serviceable so you never know, she might breathe again and failing that we have another engine kindly provide by a member of the facebook group.
Carpboy, who was almost inconsolable at the thought that it would be just himself and Gollobski riding around Ireland has even offered Halflife a pillion ride should all else fail. Ridiculous on the face of it but at least Gollobski and Carpboys bikes will weight about the same evening up some ‘performance’ issues that were noted by the big fella over the weekend.

Halflife Crashes New Chicken

Breaking News...............(only a joke)

After working their nuts off to find Hapless mutant Halflife a new Chicken Chaser we can bring you photographic evidence that the bloody idiot has gone and thrown the thing up the road.

Its understood that he is not hurt although doctors are trying to workout which injuries are new and which bits don't work from before.

The injury investigation is likely to take till 3 weeks this Thursday

Halflife in Chicken Coup

Halflife attempts to get the boys back on his side by suggesting he cycle round Ireland on Gollobski's daughters pink bike

Halflife tagging a lift, note Gollobski's ability to wheelie due to careful positioning of buns in this topbox

Halflifes new bike circa George Formby in No Limits, nice helmet by the way

Sources can reveal a major problem in the upcoming Chicken Chaser World tour of Ireland which could throw the entire trip into jeapordy.

Halflife (Aka Roberto Walliams) hunter of the royal lamb egg and cue ball manufacturer, 43, has finally succumbed to CrapEbayselleritus.

Previous thought to be suffering from P.I.S.S, Halflife came out on Friday with the following statement

"It gives me no pleasure at all to finally admit to my massive liking for farmya...sorry, wrong speech, ahem........It gives me no pleasure at all to finally admit to my family, friends and fellow Chicken Chasers that my bike appears to be complete poo. I have tried everything to keep it running but the polyfiller barrel and piston made from hardened sand have just given up the ghost. I have no bike, I have no engine and my hands are crap, I am gutted. I can't even walk straight"

Speaking to a packed news conference Halflife apologised to his commrades messrs' Gollobski and Carpboy stating "I hope you have a good time without me"

Not to be beaten, the team sprang into action, Halflife procureing and new "bit" to replace the old "bit", Gollobski threatening the ebay seller publically via the award winning Chicken Chaser Facebook group, and Carpboy by switching off his cell phone because "eet war distrurbin thee carrp and were gittin on t'nurves"

Facebook group member Bill Petty sprang to the groups aid with an immediate call offering the hapless Halflife a complete bike (in all seriousness Bill, we all really appreciate the phenomenal gesture - thank you). Pictured on his new steed, Halflife now feels ready for anything as long as it doesn't involve walking too far or hanging on to a pen for more than 7 minutes.

He quipped, "This is better than sex!" quipping further he said "I feel complete again, I will be going round Ireland after all, the Guinness will flow, the wind will ruffle in my hairs, they'll be new friends to meet, and good deeds to be done yipee!!!"

The jury is now out on Halflifes sexuality

Only one week to go, might be an idea to do some planning?

The ferry is booked, bikes are all road legal, and we all have a tent. What more could we possibly need?
Well Carp boy has already stated he is taking a fishing rod, cos there is going to be loads of spare time to fish, its not like we have to travel 1200 miles around Ireland on bikes that will struggle to do 20mph up a hill or anything.
Galobski wants to visit as many road race circuits (and do a slow slap) as we can...Large assumption here being that we actually make it as far as the ferry.
Halflife wants to take a complete rucksack of gadgets from GPS, and lap top to mobile phone and solar charger....Geek!
Anyway, at least we have a plan of the route now. It was decided that the 'lets just get to Dublin and then decide if we are going left or right' approach was maybe a little bit too laid back so we came up with what you see below. Of course no allowance is made for the numerous wrong turns, late starts from being drunk the night before or the inevitable bike failures but hey, at least we have a plan.

Because Injuries are Cool

In a vain attempt to make Halflife feel more at home in this heavily swayed towards an able bodied team, Gollobski has unselfishly joined the ranks of chicken clawed riders in a freak swimming accident.

Speaking to Sky News reporter Natasha Takanawa in his luxurious Spanish Villa, Gollobski quipped "Its was obvious Halflife was getting all the sympathy when it came to bodily deformaties. He has had a monopoly on ridiculous walks, gammy knees and wrists that won't rotate. He even has parts of his body that move on their own accord without warning, I've been with him in restaurants where we've been asked to leave because certain areas of his anatomy have gone into overdrive and caused some spillages"

Questioned on this, Northern Fish impersonator and part time lover Alain Trufant (AKA Carpboy) quipped "Ee Darnt na noot bart eet, afflaff as sum strange wee's boot ee carnt cummant cos eem pissed mos a tha tyme, now weirs tha carp"

Against all odds Gollobski defied surgeons orders and valiantly tried his Chaser this Sunday and was glad to find he could ride without the use of his front brake. "The thing doesn't really get up enough of a head of steam to warrant any brakes, but its put a stop to some of the tricks I've learnt for the trip, for now stoppies are out!"

The case continues