We woke up in Knock this morning completely refreshed and still piss wet through. For Halflife and Gollobski this was because of the previous days rain but for Carpboy it was because he had pissed himself again. Our chef for the morning was the man of the house, the ‘lady’ having come in after midnight pissed as a fart and therefore in no condition to cook for three needy travellers. Breakfast consisted of 2 slices of anorexic bacon, fried tomato, crispy fried egg and some ’100% pork’ sausages. Gollobski just stared at the plate and we thought it was all going to kick off, fortunately he had vented all his anger the previous day on his chicken (the bike, we are not suggesting any kind of bestiality here), and in the interests of keeping the peace we let him eat all the toast. 8am and we were ready to hit the road, we had taken over every radiator In the house the evening before in a futile attempt to dry our sodden clothes. One of two things had gone wrong however, either we had underestimated the extent of the soaking the clothes had received that day or the owner had switched the heating off as soon as we went to the pub, we had our suspicions but nothing could be proved
We had managed to convince ourselves the night before that they would definitely take the credit card, it seems though that non of us remembered to convince the proprietor of this fact and Halflife needed to accept a lift into the closest village with a cash machine (some 6Km away). 90 Euro’s later and we were on our way. Soaking wet but spirits high to be finally leaving Knock, apparently ‘the single most visited place in Ireland’.
It took a few miles before it dawned on us all….no rain…whats going on? Today we were going to do some miles. Now I hope your all sitting down reading this, Gollobski’s bike didn’t break down all day! Perhaps it was because the night before we had stayed in the holy town of Knock, perhaps it was because no one could be that un-lucky, or perhaps it was because Gollobski’s kicking and castration of his chicken the day before had finally worked and it decided to behave, what ever it was, we had a cracking days riding.
We even managed to overtake a few things today, and I’m not just talking about the odd push bike either, I’m talking powered things like cars, 4x4’s and trucks. Gollobski attempted an overtaking manoeuvre at 45mph on a Toyota land cruiser with horse box which culminated in a 3 mile neck and neck drag down the N18. No one was willing to give, Gollobski with his head on the clocks and the land cruiser driver never getting out of second gear. The race was finally settled when, laughing to the point of wetting himself the Toyota driver missed his change to 3rd and Gollobski claimed a moral victory.
There was still a bit of wind but we were on fire seeing 52mph on the speedometer at several point (Halflife’s speedometer anyway, Carpboy’s does not work and Gollobski just lies about how quick his goes). In an attempt to make some progress we changed the riding formation, Halflife taking the lead, Gollobski in the middle and Carpboy pushing from the rear. This didn’t make us ride any quicker but it did at least stop Gollobski stopping every 5 minutes. After about 100 miles we stopped for the second time for fuel and Carpboy treated us all to an energy drink called ‘monster’
It promised to be the most powerful energy drink on the planet, we are disappointed to report however that it didn’t make us ride any more aggressively but just made your wee smell like sugarpuffs.
The reward for a days hard riding was to make it to Blarney to kiss the Blarney stone.
Although something that definitely needed ticking off the list I can report that I have kissed better for 10 Euro. Carpboy went first and we were a little concerned how long he spent down there with the polished piece of igneous rock, later he confessed he was’ just practicing his technique’. Gollobski went next and much to Halflifes disgust confessed he had just tongued the famous rock but was now eloquent, the words “Foresooth“ “By Jingo“ and “I say Mrs Pickford, Its merely a turnip“ are now part of his vocab . 
Finally it was Halflifes go, he can report that the shape of the rock prevents you getting any really suction but at least it never resisted.
Anyway, we are all in the pub necking a well earned Guinness, check back tomorrow to see if the hapless threesome can keep it running to another whole day.
We had managed to convince ourselves the night before that they would definitely take the credit card, it seems though that non of us remembered to convince the proprietor of this fact and Halflife needed to accept a lift into the closest village with a cash machine (some 6Km away). 90 Euro’s later and we were on our way. Soaking wet but spirits high to be finally leaving Knock, apparently ‘the single most visited place in Ireland’.
It took a few miles before it dawned on us all….no rain…whats going on? Today we were going to do some miles. Now I hope your all sitting down reading this, Gollobski’s bike didn’t break down all day! Perhaps it was because the night before we had stayed in the holy town of Knock, perhaps it was because no one could be that un-lucky, or perhaps it was because Gollobski’s kicking and castration of his chicken the day before had finally worked and it decided to behave, what ever it was, we had a cracking days riding.
We even managed to overtake a few things today, and I’m not just talking about the odd push bike either, I’m talking powered things like cars, 4x4’s and trucks. Gollobski attempted an overtaking manoeuvre at 45mph on a Toyota land cruiser with horse box which culminated in a 3 mile neck and neck drag down the N18. No one was willing to give, Gollobski with his head on the clocks and the land cruiser driver never getting out of second gear. The race was finally settled when, laughing to the point of wetting himself the Toyota driver missed his change to 3rd and Gollobski claimed a moral victory.
There was still a bit of wind but we were on fire seeing 52mph on the speedometer at several point (Halflife’s speedometer anyway, Carpboy’s does not work and Gollobski just lies about how quick his goes). In an attempt to make some progress we changed the riding formation, Halflife taking the lead, Gollobski in the middle and Carpboy pushing from the rear. This didn’t make us ride any quicker but it did at least stop Gollobski stopping every 5 minutes. After about 100 miles we stopped for the second time for fuel and Carpboy treated us all to an energy drink called ‘monster’
It promised to be the most powerful energy drink on the planet, we are disappointed to report however that it didn’t make us ride any more aggressively but just made your wee smell like sugarpuffs.The reward for a days hard riding was to make it to Blarney to kiss the Blarney stone.
Although something that definitely needed ticking off the list I can report that I have kissed better for 10 Euro. Carpboy went first and we were a little concerned how long he spent down there with the polished piece of igneous rock, later he confessed he was’ just practicing his technique’. Gollobski went next and much to Halflifes disgust confessed he had just tongued the famous rock but was now eloquent, the words “Foresooth“ “By Jingo“ and “I say Mrs Pickford, Its merely a turnip“ are now part of his vocab . Finally it was Halflifes go, he can report that the shape of the rock prevents you getting any really suction but at least it never resisted.Anyway, we are all in the pub necking a well earned Guinness, check back tomorrow to see if the hapless threesome can keep it running to another whole day.
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