Who's that guv'nor walking down the street??? It's Halflife

Halflife is a fraud!

In recent times you may well have read in this award winning blog that Rob "I got a wonderful smile but the press ups are out!" Williams aka Halflife has been suffering from the previously little known illness, Poormopedus ItsanailicuS Syndrome, or P.I.S.S for short. The illness can be triggered by purchasing a seemingly high quality moped then finding it to be held together by rust, catapillar goo and hairs.

Williams, One time circus entertainer and 1947 World spelling champion, has been, whats commonly known as, doin' the dirty on his mates.

We have photographic evidence, from an unknown source (Cheers Mr Shankley, Bertie Road, Wrexham - Respect!) that Halflife has been secretly testing new and improved methods of tent / cooker / pants carriage.

"Well lad, I saw this bloke stumbling out of Balti Towers on Brown Ring Lane, I thought he'd been drinking to be honest" Quipped Mr Shankley. " He was obviously struggling with basic movements and spent 13 minutes trying to hold the keys straight to get them in the ignition of his bike, then I recognized him as that moped charity guy Halflife. I looked around for his fat friend and someone smelling of fish but couldn't see anyone"

"I guess he was trying to be incognito but with a built up shoe of such mammoth proportions that was never going to be easy"

As we can see from the picture Halflife has adopted the 2 box stacking method favoured by Hilliary and Norgay on their 1958 failed attempt to ride a C90 to the top of Everest (Achieving 14 of the 8500 plus meters)

Although trying to hide his work with a tin of blue emulsion, Halflifes work in careful planning, attention to detail and high regard for safety are clear to see, including his Y fronts and rabbit snares hanging off the rear box.

Were not sure about the riding position though, is Halflife aiming to ride whilst lying horizontally across the boxes or squeeze his body into the 3mm of seat space the clothing, food, and white box full of "specialist" magazines has left.

Either way, working on his own is poor form and he has been severely reprimanded by the Mayor of Chester and suspended from his position in the Cheshire Quipping Round Table.

I'm not Gay! - Carpboy slams facebook slur

It's been a fraught couple of weeks for our heroic team but ever the professionals we have battled our way through adversity to bring you another award winning blog update.

Let's kick off with Halflife (he with the claw); After crowing to the world about his phenomenal purchase he has recently started preparation work to ensure his Pizza delivery bike doesn't die somewhere in the Emerald Isle. With Gaffa tape and hammer at the ready and spending a good 2 hours finding out how to remove the seat he discovered that the previously stated "one careful owner" had replaced his bike with a cardboard cut out. This wouldn't have been so bad but the cut out was actually a hologram and didn't exist either. Halflife is now on the look out for some metal, a welder (preferable male) some wheels, an engine, a new hand (preferable human), a carb, some wire, some stickyback plastic and a coathanger (preferably sans coat) "I thought the thing was great until I noticed just how fragile it was, it cornered like a spastic camel in espadrills" quipped the scarred one.

Gollobski on the other hand gave up on the "I can do it myself" service after failing to locate the engine and opted to send his bike to Tony Moss Motorcycles. Mr Moss, until a recent accident, raced in the Isle of Man TT races and is an all round good guy. Unfortunatley he could not locate the additional 50 MPH Gollobski had requested but did discover 3 missing bushes from the rear end of the bike. "Apparently the back wheel had about 50 to 100 miles left in it before it would've collapsed" quipped Gollobski, the accident would no doubt have thrown the hapless fatty into a box of broken glass, razor blades and barbed wire. "Everytime I have fallen off bikes I am yet to land in something soft" quipped Gollobski and even though the additional MPH weren't located, the £131 spent made the bike run like a dream, as long as the dream is very slow and gets blown about the roads like a very light feather! "I rode it home and was bouncing about like a flea on a dogs balls" quipped Gollobski once again

On to our favorite fish lover Carpboy: He has adopted the, "I completley trust the guy who sold it me" approach, and to be truthful, it looks like in the case of fish boy he's right. The guy who sold Al his chicken obviously knew what he was doing (the same could be said for Halflife and Gollobski's sellers although for much different reasons) and the whole team have complete faith in Carpboys bike. We just hope it will be able to carry 3 people, tents, mobile massage table and cookware. "It'll be reet" he quipped as he made his way thru his 14 pie of the day

Some notable events, The pre organized night out at the Motorcross came and went without any hiccups, the lack of hiccups based solely on the fact that the team forgot which weekend it was planned for and only realized the Tuesday after the event! The team all congratulated themselves on a successful trial, adding personally to make note of the actual trip start date.

Gollobski, via a close friend, has arranged for the British Superbike supporting Dyno tester to be made available to get an idea of the massive Horsepower we have to hand (in the case of Carpboy and Gollobski) or claw (for Halflife) This should be taking place sometime before the trip, of course this is subject to change as memory loss could once again foil our plans.

Quipping practise has been postponed till further notice.

The award winning Chicken Chasers Face book group has now reached the magical 150 followers mark, the winner of the signed T shirt is Mathew Price from Wisconsin. Mathew, a woodworking guru and inventor of the word "yup" sent the request to all his friends, one of which got us over the magical 150.

News this week causing a stir: Carpboys profile announces to the world of his love of fat men and all things gay. " Ee darn't nar wha t'fook appened" Quipped an angry Carpboy, "wun minit, arm street, next arm intar lads, it be thar fat fooker Globski". And the truth can now be revealed, it was Gollobski spreading the gossip, "Carpboy left his facebook page open, I couldn't resist it" Quipped the fat bruised Shropshire lad. "I'm reet sorry Alan"

The case continues..........................